rediscovering my truth

I’ve been teasing a lot of “new. exciting things in the works that I can’t quite tell you about yet,” which really means they aren’t set in stone, and I don’t want to speak out of turn and/or commit myself to something that won’t happen.

There’s a lot to unpack in that statement, I know. If I were coaching myself, I’d have a lot of questions. Namely: “Why?”

But because it’s 7:45am and I have a whole day to get through, I’m going to switch gears into something I can tell you about. Something I’m so excited about. Something I didn’t know I needed but can’t wait to start.

I completed my yoga teacher training with Satya Yoga and Wellness back in the first half of 2016. I had gotten married the previous May and just closed on building my first house with my new husband. 2014 and 2015 were 2 really big years, and coming down off the high of so. much. planning. made staring into 2016 feel like a huge letdown. Yes, I was loving marriage (still am!) and yes, I was so happy to finally be in our house and not just get to drive by a pile of drywall every day (again, still am!), but after waiting, waiting, waiting so long for two really big milestones, an big wave of “There’s nothing else” washed over me and I felt empty.

I’m not great at waiting, and I’m REALLY not great at not waiting… you know?

At exactly the right moment, I saw an announcement for a YTT happening at the studio I attended, and it silenced the fear of the unknown. It woke up a purpose. I sent in my application, paid the fee, and started down a new road. And this road wasn’t built on anyone else’s expectations… it wasn’t another box to check on the conventional “to-do list of adulthood,” it wasn’t an expected next step, and it didn’t have anything to do with anyone other than me. After focusing for 2+ years on quite literally creating a new family and identity within it, I was ready to turn back to myself.

The program was hard. It was way more than just learning how to teach yoga postures — it asked questions of me that I wasn’t really ready to answer in a way that I wasn’t ready to experience. But I did it. I got uncomfortable. I looked at some weird parts of myself and learned to accept them with loving kindness. I found a voice and the confidence to share it with others. I discovered my truth.

And that last one is important, not just because satya means truth, but because I didn’t have one before. I spent 26 years caught up in expectations, ambitions, measures of success that weren’t necessarily my own. And here I sat, on a yoga mat, surrounded by the truth of so many others and finally feeling it in myself. It was a bright light in the dark.

I also connected to a powerful group of women in a way that I hadn’t before. Sure, I’d always had friends, but these women showed me that friendship isn’t just hanging out or answering texts. It’s about revealing your vulnerability, standing in all of yourself, asking to be seen, and in turn really seeing another person. They are strong, creative, courageous, supportive, and inspiring.

Great, Jenn. Thanks for that talk. What’s the exciting thing?

Oh, right. Tomorrow, I embark back on my truth-finding journey as a Satya Mentor for the newest group of Satya Yoga and Wellness YTT students, this time based in DuBois, PA. Big, big love to Soña, who generously asked for my participation and continues to be a guide in my life.

In my role as a mentor, my chief duty is to re-take the program, learning alongside the students, so that I may one day be able to take it out and teach it on my own. With 3 years distance, I know my perspective has changed. I’m ready to go a lot deeper, immerse myself more fully, and remain open to new secrets and truths that it has to offer. I’m also looking forward to sharing what I’ve learned with new students, helping them to get the most out of the program and use it in the way they need to most.

It’s a gift to be able to reconnect to yoga, after 2 years of focusing on other movement modalities, coaching, business-building, etc… it feels like a bit of a homecoming. I’m ready to rediscover my feet, my core, and my truth, and to stand in all of those things for the new students starting their own journey.

I plan to share some of my journaling here, so you can learn along with me. And if there’s something meaningful in your life that you’ve felt pulled from lately, I encourage you to take a small step to reconnect to it. Time and distance can be great teachers, and coming home to your truth is something you can do over and over again.